My life - Daily Ups and Downs

7:24pm: quiz time

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"What we know is not much. What we don't know is enormous."

10:26pm: Part of Saturday
Hi to everyone.
Saturday night was an eye opener. It was my first Saturday night in OK alone. I didn't feel the greatest (bad recipe from day before) and Justin wanted to go to the races. He went so he could help his dad with the cars in the pits (we have a dirt track where I'm at). His family, including Justin huge racing people, I am not. So I was alone from 3 pm til bed time. I went to our mall. I ran into Joseph, he works in the Christan store. He is about 2 or 3 years younger than me. I met him in youth group (yes for about 6 mo to a year I went to church). We talked. He still goes to the same church and now is the Praise and Worship Leader. I told him what I had been up too and that I moved back about 6 months ago. Joseph asked in I was coming back - meaning the church. I feel bad for what I said but this is what I said "First I have to get my husband to go, he isn't really the church going type." I never lied, Justin believes in God but doesn't go to church. Then we chatted a little more and I made my purchase (a bookmark for my oldest nephew) and left.

That night I could not sleep. I kept having dreams. The one that relates above is this (in short form):
Jusitn dies in a car wreck, I struggle back and forth with life and religion for a while. I go back to church. Everyone is nice and I spend a lot of time with Joseph. In the end I marry Joseph.

The funny part about that dream was my friend from youth group had a crush on him, despite the age difference, and always talked about him. I have never and still don't have a crush on Joseph. But he does remind of Leo from Charmed, the early years when he is all angel and adorable and he kind of looks like Leo too.

Now for the scary part. This isn't the first time I've had a dream where Justin dies in a car crash. I've had dreams like that about 2 years of living together. Usually I don't end up with anyone. In fact this is the only one that ended happy. To be honest, because of the dreams it is one of my biggest fears that Justin will die in a crash.

I have more to tell from Saturday but it will wait. I need to clear my mind and go to bed.

Joanna

9:17pm: General Update
Tonight is the first time I have made an entry for about 6 or 7 months.
Please read on because it might be lengthy.
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1:28pm: Good News
I have a job interview on Monday for Accounting Clerk at a bank. I'm hopeful but still grounded this time.
I had to share it with my friends.

Joanna

9:42am: Update from Joanna
Hello to everyone,

It has been a minute since I have last updated my journal. A lot is going on right now.

First, I'm moving to Oklahoma this Friday. See, it is like this. Enid is the larger town. Then it is surrounded by smaller towns about 15 to 30 minutes away. Everyone from the smaller towns works, shops, and gets entertained in Enid. So, no matter what, I will run into a lot of people that I went to school with or just know from the past in Enid.

I am happy to be back home per say and to be around some of my family members, and Justin's family.

I am nervous because of the history. I am not the same person that I was when I moved. I didn't come from money - in fact I came from a trailer or mobile home (whatever you want to call it) and a family that is very dis functional,. I'm talking I could relate to every cd that Eminem put out, some of that stuff really happened in my life. I also relate to a lot of other rappers cd, even though I grew up in a town in Oklahoma. I can also relate to a lot of country songs too.
Anyway, I am a well adjusted woman now - not the messed up teen everyone knew. I know that I will run into a lot of people who know parts or all of my past. The thing is, these people never really knew me, the real me. They only knew what they wanted to see and hear. I am hoping that my past or my family's past will not affect my chances of getting a decent job. Not everyone knows me or my family so that is a bright side.


Now for the other part. I'm stressed and trying hard not to show it. I'm scared because I don't have a job. But I'm also looking forward to having some time to set up the apartment.
I'm also stress because everything needs to be packed by Friday morning. Okay, so most of it is done, but the last minute stuff. I also have to return the cable box and arrange for stuff to be shut off. Plus the major cleaning spurt I have to do so I can get the deposit back. My last day at work is Wednesday. That leaves me to do most of the running around and packing on Thrusday and Friday morning. Then leaving on Friday. This is scary for me, I don't really know why. I will miss my friends and the shopping here.

I must get back to work.

Joanna

P.S. I will be on line until Thursday.

11:24am: Fun Quiz

joanna_smith_05's LJ stalker is jaymeefox!

jaymeefox is stalking you because you are really good at bowling. They are also deluded!

9:51am: My Weekend
This weekend did not go as planned.

Justin came up on Friday. I was feeling a little under the weather but very excited to see Justin.

On Saturday we were going to spend the whole day together and then dinner and a movie with a friend. Well, I slept all day because I felt like crap warmed over. Then our friend cancels on the movie - to go and cheat on his long term girlfriend. So, we went to a restaurant that is a favorite of his and we had a nice dinner. Although, I could not really taste my food, he enjoyed his. By the time dinner was over, we went to Walgreens (even though I hate that place) and got some meds for me. Then instead of the movie - he was very understanding - he rented a game and a movie that he would like. When we got home I returned to the bed and he stayed up most of the night playing the Xbox. He also watched his movie.

Sunday was somewhat better. I was feeling a like crap - better than crap warmed over. But I had some energy. Now by this time he is addicted to the video game he rented. So all morning he played the xbox and I sent out about 12 resumes and relocation letters. This time about 7 went via email. The afternoon was better. We watched a lot of King of Queens and then loaded the truck with boxes. It took us about 30 minutes just to load and tie boxes. When Justin left, I went to Wal-Mart. Then I came home to a very bare and lonely apartment. It is only for two more weeks though. The moving weekend is this 17th and 18th.

I must get back to work.

9:25am: Dreams
This is 3 of 3 entry for today.

Dreams

It has started again. I go through this phase every so often and it sucks. At night I will go to sleep and have very life like dreams. I can taste, smell, feel - physically and emotionally- in my dreams. I will wake up trying to breathe. I can remember everything and it feels like I was there. I wake up tired, like I haven't slept at all. Every night for the past two weeks, except for last Friday, I have had these dreams. Some are the same, some are different - but they are very realistic. I interact with humans, dead people, and situations. I sometimes have multiple dreams in a night like this. Very strange. I'm not sure when this phase will end. It has gone on a month before.

If you want to read about some of the dreams, I will email them to you. I don't want to bore everyone with them.

I also have normal dreams on some the sames nights sometimes. I don't know why. Does anyone go through this?

Joanna

8:52am: Monday Night - Fun Fun
This is entry #2. It is about last night.

Last night was a lot of fun. I went with David, Tim, Caleb and Matt to get Caleb so new clothes. It was so much fun. We were told not to video tape in some stores. That is a story in itself and I will let Tim or David tell it if they want to. So look on my friends list to see if they posted it. It may be a few days if they do.

Anyway, Caleb got 3 new shirts, pants, and shoes. In total that makes 5 outfits. They look good too. :) I also got 2 new shirts. I couldn't help myself.

Back to the fun stuff. After a fun evening at the mall, we all went to Steak N Shake. Shanna joined us. It was a blast. More stupid comments and jokes after another. We made fun of old management and co-workers (4 out of 6 of us used to work together at a retail store - the other 2 know a lot of the managers and old employees we talked about). Then I went home. The end of this entry.

Joanna

8:31am: More about Sunday - Interesting Electrical Power Stuff
The Plan:

I want to make 3 journal entries today.
1. More about Sunday - it got interesting
2. About last night - fun fun
3. Sleep N Dreams

Okay this is the 1st entry - Sunday late afternoon.

After I posted my short little message on Sunday, some interesting stuff happened.

I was on e-bay - again - and my apartment had a power surge. This is HOURS before any storms came in.
Everything came back on except the living room tv. I called Justin and he had me do a lot of stuff before we got to the fuse box. I had to flip on and off the switch to the living room outlets. The tv came on. About 30 minutes later, the tv in the bedroom comes on. I was in the kitchen getting Elmo a treat. I walk in and turn the tv off. No big deal - this has happened a lot in my life time - I'm used to it. I go back to the kitchen and amazingly the radio in the bedroom comes on. Once again I go to the bedroom and turn it off - like before no big deal. Every stereo/radio I have ever owned has turned on and off by itself.
Then about 45 minutes later, Elmo and I were in the living room. She gets up and meows at the wall - that is normal. My cat meows at walls, windows, and air all the time. Now comes the not so normal part. The lights and tv keep blinking but the computer was just fine. It stopped after a minute and after I looked at Elmo and said "I just want to watch this show." Elmo came back to the couch after one last meow at the wall. Then everything was fine even after the storms came in later that night.

3:47pm: Quick Update
This weekend has been dull and useful.

I have done a lot of laundry, packed 5 boxes, and organized all my payables. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've also went Wal-Mart and grocery shopping, how not fun. I forgot the paper towels.

Now it is time to do some relaxing.

I hope everyone is good.

Joanna

3:15pm: This entry is about the job interview and the reason Heather gave me.

First, it is against the law to give that reason. But I have no evidence. It is a he said - she said (in this case she said - she said) case. I could not win. I would need a recording of her reason. And then she would have to be aware that she was being recorded. It is words against words. The case would be thrown out. I would then be out money for court dates and lawyers and have no job in the end.

Trust me guys, I've looked into this. But I am tied at what I can do.

Thank you for your support.

Joanna

3:17pm: I have had some crazy dreams lately. Here are two of them:


Money/Fighting Dream and a Witch dream

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2:42pm: Job Interview
It went well, but not good enough. Heather was having trouble deciding who to hire. It was between me and an older lady. Here is the thing. They have no inventory set up. I have the inventory experience, the other lady has no inventory experience. Heather is hiring a person to take over the office. She has 2 small kids and 3 months pregnant with another child. Just to let you know she and her husband are very Christan and loyal church goers. They believe that they are fair to everyone.

I was not chosen. This is the reason Heather gave me:
I am married and child baring age. The other lady has kids in school. She doesn't want to plan for a maternity leave and take away time for her children or have me jealous of her because she gets to spend a lot of time with her kids.

That is a crock of shit!!!!!!!!!! But I am glad I didn't get the job just for the fact that if Heather is like this now, what is she really like?????????? I'm glad and pissed off about the job at the same time. Is that even possible????

1:25pm: Today I found out I was miss informed about some stuff. Justin told me that his mother would be in Iowa and his dad here, its flip flopped. So I get to see Michelle this weekend instead of Tom. But not all day on Saturday. She and her friend Debbie has to take Debbie's mom to OKC. So that means it will be just justin and I for the afternoon. Michelle will be back for the races that evening.

I have a feeling this will feel a little like high school, - for the afternoon. You know - parents at work or on a trip - you and your guy have the whole house to yourself for a little bit.
Giggles Giggles Giggles Giggles Giggles Giggles Giggles Giggles Giggles Giggles Giggles Giggles Giggles

Now back to my current age.

The job search is still the same. I can only look in 2 or 3 places for jobs (local newspaper and 2 job sites) because of the type of town it is (not really up to date). I have looked every day. Same jobs in the same listings. I will try again on Sunday. I have not heard back from any of the jobs openings that I applied to other than the plumbing company. I am still looking forward to my interview with them, but I'm trying to keep a level head about it. It is a big town with lots of little towns around it. They have educational programs set up for this kind of work in Enid, meaning a lot of people have applied to for the position,. I can't just stop looking because of one interview. That would be stupid on my behalf. There are NOT a lot of administration/accounting positions available in Enid right now.

Joanna

4:08pm: Weird stuff about me - musical wise
I was in my office listening to windows media - lots of music - and i know most of it.

I could sing perfectly with Deana Carter, Sheryl Crow, and some other female artist. They all had different styles and tones/melodies.
Now when it came to My Immortal by Evanescence I could not sing it. I know the song, I can sing it almost perfect every time in the car or at home, but at work it would barely come out. I don't know why. I love this song. I know I can sing this song, I just don't know why I can't at work.

This is weird for me.

Joanna

12:48pm: I have an INTERVIEW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hello everyone,

Today is a great day. I woke up with a song in my heart and in a good mood. I have had a somewhat boring day at work, until lunch. This is where my day gets better. I listened to a voice mail on my cell and it is for a job interview. YEAH. I called Heather (HR in the company) thinking she would be at lunch and then we would play the oh-so-much-fun phone tag game. But to my surprise, she was there. I have an interview at 10 am on Monday. That means tomorrow I have to try on my business suit and buy a pair of pantyhose.

I haven't told my boss yet, I passed him on the road going back to lunch. So I left him a note that I need off on Monday. I'm sure he does not care. Actually, he will be happy for me. When he gets back, I will also tell him in person.

I told Justin, he is happy. Since it is on a Monday, that means I leave on Saturday morning and spend the weekend with him and his dad. His mother will be in Iowa with her friend this weekend. But I will get to see my nephews and grandpa. Elmo will come with me to Ok.

Tonight is also going to be fun. I'm going to my friend's house to cook dinner and watch anime.

Thats about all for this entry.

I'm on cloud nine - not just because of the interview - seeing Justin is a big part it.

Joanna

1:30pm: Lfie Update
I thought that this might be a good time to update about my life.

Recap:
Justin is in Enid, loves his new job. This will be his second week.
I'm still in KC, packing and looking for a job.

Update:
I've sent out 5 resumes - that includes a relocation cover letter, resume, references and job contact information.
They all went snail mail. Because Enid is just that way. Your choices are, come in and apply (most want this one), mail resume, and sometimes fax resume. No one wants a resume emailed.
I'm still in an apartment full of boxes. I think I have packed a lot, then I notice stuff that I could pack. It feels like a never ending task.
I've been exercising and eating healthier.
Justin looked at one apartment complex. He didn't like it, but he said it was nice. He will look at more this weekend. He has been spending a lot of time with family.
We both miss each other very much.
Elmo is the same. Sometimes she looks for him, but not as often lately.

Thats about it for a general update. Nothing that wonderful and exciting.

Joanna

8:47pm: I love eating berries. Today I went grocery shopping and indulged myself in purchasing a small container of black berries and a medium size container of strawberries.

I was sitting on my balcony in my silk pj set eating some black berries. It was very nice. I love the smell, look, feel, and taste of them. I closed my eyes and savored every moment of the berries while relaxing.

It could have been better if I was sitting in the cool grass (not wearing silk but cotton) and staring at the stars. I could be listening to the sounds of nature.

When I get a house, I will do the above in the lawn.

10:31am: Quizzes
Quizzes because I'm bored.

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9:48am: Hello everyone,

Its been a little busy at work, now it has slowed down. I won't have any work to do until this afternoon. I'm bored for now, but when 2 pm comes I will be very busy.

I have changed my mind about putting my goals in the journal. I don't update it everyday and it do it the right way, I would have to journal everyday. I don't have the time for that at this moment.

Justin is in Oklahoma. He likes his new job, so far. He has only been there a week. We talk at night. It is still hard to do the long distance thing. We we separated by states in the beginning and it sucked then and now.

Last night was a breath, of fresh air. My friend David came over. We watched anime (that David picked out because he knew I would like it). Don't ask what the name is, I can't spell it, I can barely say it. This is the first time that I have spent a good portion of the evening watching anime. I would have never considered doing this a few months ago. I think the reason why I liked the show we watched (still have many more episodes to go) is because of the love story. It has tragedy in it along with silly comedy. I also like how the translated some of the phrases. I was lmao at some of the sayings.

This weekend is up in the air as far as plans go. I will spend a good part of the weekend cleaning and packing. I think I will watch some movies while I pack some of the items from the kitchen. I know I will get bored of cleaning and packing, so I don't know what I'm going to for breaks. I know a trip to the grocery store and wal-mart are a must.

Chat with you later. I might post some quizzes later.

Joanna

9:28pm: Daily goal update
I won't be on line tomorrow. I have a ton of work just for Wed. So here is my goal update.
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1:58pm: Food fighting & something fun
I'm at work and I'm very board. I don't know what to do with myself. I have broken my habit of eating because I'm bored, but the craving is coming back. I'm fighting it, so far I don't think I will give in. Does anyone else have this problem????
Joanna
Hidden is fun facts a-z
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9:31am: An Old Idea With New Twist
Good Morning,

I had an old idea last night. I should list my DAILY goals and mark them off when I do them. So, here comes my new twist. I will list them here and then the next day tell what ones I did. That way my on-line friends can kick my bootie if I don't do them :)

This was yesterday's goals:

Pack 1 box
Walk for 30 minutes
Stop by apartment complex office
Eat a healthy dinner
1 Soda

This is what happened:
1 Soda for lunch
Stopped my apartment complex office
Packed 1 large box
Walk for 30 minutes, did hand weights for part of the walk

This is today's goals:

1 Soda (this is hard for me)
Walk for 30 minutes
30 ball crunches
5 push ups ( I suck at push ups, but I might as well start)
Pack 1 box
Fix a healthy dinner

I will update you on if I get all my daily goals completed. If you can't tell, I'm trying to get into shape (again) and pack my apartment. But there is only so much time in the evening.

If anyone wants to join me, thats great, if not I'll keep doing my thing.

Joanna

12:50pm: Week End Update
I don't know where to start. This has been a semi emotional weekend.

Friday:
Before work: Justin made me feel like the most sensual, beautiful woman alive. I will spare the details. It was heaven.
At work: It started off slow, then everyone had a project for me to do. So I didn't get to play on the internet as much. But I loved the work.
After work: I had dinner with Justin between his shifts. It was kind of sad. Then I went to a scrapbook store.

Saturday: Justin and I went to the mall. He had to get his new glasses adjusted and a couple of polo shirts. From there we just spent time together until dinner. We ate at Joe's Crab Shack. It was good. After dinner we drove 45 minutes to meet some friends, Dusty and Vanessa. We talked and played a game called Apples to Apples. It was very fun. I'm usually not a game person, but this one I will have to buy.
We did not get home until 1:30 ish

Sunday: I helped Justin pack his clothes and he left around 10:30 am. It was sad. I know I'm going to see him in a month or so, but I still miss my husband.
I finally got around about 1ish. I went to Wal-Mart and to the grocery store. I was home and watching First Daughter (2000) by 4 pm. (The movie is a lot like Chasing Liberty meets The Prince & Me combined.)
I fixed a wonderful salad for dinner. It was yummy. The rest of the night I vegged out and mainly watched TV and read a magazine.


Joanna
PS Dusty went to DeVry with Justin. Vanessa is his wife, they just married this year. Dusty is very funny and Vanessa has finally warmed up to me. They are nice people.